31st

I like how morning light falls through the window panes. Soft and delicate. I like how morning light shines at me and smell of morning air. (HI I AM A MORNING BIRD BECAUSE I SLEPT AT 3am LAST NIGHT!) I sit up with eyes half open, hair in huge messy waves. Prefectly wavy ^^ Looking at the dust particles dancing away I try to remember what date is today. ok last day of 2009. I'll be an on-going 18 year old adult!! a year older.. more obstacles..more challenges..more thinkings require! Looking back what have i done this year other than mugging for o level? Did lots of retarded stuff..hahaha. New resolutions?nah i've none. can't be bothered about it. what's the use of having so many resloutions?!

Need a new part time job after chinese new year, for now I am a full timer helping my uncle. I'll be jobless after chinese new year..sighhh job seeking again. I could hardly take a day off but usually full timers take a day off every week right? soo yaaa... i'll be lying flat on the floor after work! my immune system are rather weak,i think.. because i kept sneezing whenever i sleep later than 2am. My head is spinning around in circles now..god..

I've been single for a year. Today is a day i remembered..waiting patiently for his call,when he went MIA. Giving myself false hope that he'd actually call me and sing me some cheesy love songs and say happy new year to me.. Don't worry friend. I give up, totally no feeling. just..a couple of flashbacks.. with him. i knows how it feels being loved and how difficult it is to love someone. a r/s i've confidence and faith that it'll last..but it ended. I always dream of getting married to him at the age of 21 getting 3 children and start our happy warm little family.Naive thinking? actually it's not. When you really love that certain someone you want to be everything they wants. Everything they'd like. Everything they'd love. you'll give no matter what it takes. just to make sure you see that smile on their faces. Each space hallow, you'll always wanted to fill in with real memories.. memories belonging to both of you. You'd always try to get into their tiny little world and finding a place to stay inside their heart. Even if you can't get in, you'd try your best to do so..trying to adapt. trying to get those love you long wanted for..some people go for money,idk why..

Compromising,understanding, communicating, sacrificing, being faithful, trustworthy,patience.. its hard to have everything. sometimes you'll be clueless whats love all about, feels like..you're stuck in a maze? totally have no idea whats happening next. when i was younger, around 14 or so. to me love is you love me i love you. ok full stop. good enough. as you get older thats too many things occur which changes your mindset about what love is all about. realising love.. is not only i love you and you love me. you'll feel confused what's love why must we get love all sorts of thinkings that crack your brain with many questions up appearing all over your head. Everyone wants to feel protected feel loved. including me. No one likes feeling this way.

Now,after so long. I dare to say I'm totally awake from my dream, stop dwelling. It's over. Let bygones be bygones. I won't look for love but i'll let love look for me. let god decides everything.because i believe in fate.. the only thing i won't let god decide would be my future..haha long way to go.. LASTLY THANK YOU TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME!! LUV YOU HEHEHEHEHE

ANYWAY LAST DAY OF 2009!!! HOPE IT'LL BE A BETTER YEAR TOMORROW!!WHOPPPPEPPEPEPEPEPE

*throw hands into air*